I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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