chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
