i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
