How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
is it fun? or sober?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
