I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
