Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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