if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You can't just leave with hair like that
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
