apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
