I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sorry my hands just texted you
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
