barbara walters just said penis...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
