dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize