take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
