problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
