Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
