It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize