Non-Jews are for practice
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
