I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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