i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
