Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
