she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
