yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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