so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
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I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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