no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
