But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
