margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
