you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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