I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Randomize
