So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize