I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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