smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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