Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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