C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
