After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
