she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
