I CAN MOONWALK!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
