So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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