Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
