She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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