my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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