i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
