Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
