I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
