She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Fuck appropriateness.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I forget how to act sober
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
