just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
