VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
