I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
