Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
