Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My liver just had a heart attack.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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