We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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