I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
