On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
ttyl tear gas
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
