Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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