it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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