I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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