There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
