I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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