dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
