So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
