You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
