Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This is classic penis vs brain.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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