You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
