Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
