I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
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She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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