I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We were destined to go to rehab together
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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