I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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