Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
