Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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