If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
