you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I intend to get homeless drunk
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
