she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
