as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
