Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
