hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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