The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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