I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
