I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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