Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
